Giving In and Giving Up
by Malinda4242
Summary: Faith reveals her love to Bosco. How will he handle the revelation? How will Fred? More summary inside...Complete
1. Giving in and Giving Up Chapter 1

Okay, so looks like the writing may be on the wall. I'm big enough to admit it. Due to 'possible' unwanted unimaginable horrid spoilers I've been told about I decided to write my own shipper story for Bosco and Faith. Yeah I know, OMG hell's freezing over right this second as I write this down,but hey, I'm big enough of a person to admit I may have been wrong...about TW pushing them together anyway...but then again it is M that is writing this...so be warned. If you read my Shipping Accident fic...don't expect the same kind of silliness. I play by the rules here...but I also deal with reality when I write serious...so this is not a sweetness and oh my god we finally see the light fic:

So without giving away exactly what I heard..and assuming even a shred of it is true..here is my own personal version of the coming future events...with M's touch of course.

**GIVING IN AND GIVING UP**

Chapter One

Bosco's POV:

"He left me." Those were her words to me last night. There was a hard knock on my door, catching a quick nap as I'd only been home an hour I was slow to get it. Was actually lucky to be here, or maybe not. Took me a minute to even catch what she said as she moved past me to stand near the coffee table.

"What?" I asked, "Who left?" Surely she couldn't be talking about Fred?

"FRED, Bosco," she half yelled, "Aren't you listening to me?" I realized she'd been talking the whole time as she passed me, but I was only half listening. Didn't expect her to say what she did, hell didn't expect her to be at the door anyway.

"Fred? Fred left YOU?" I asked incredulous to be hearing such words coming from her mouth, as far as I knew things were fine between them.

"YES!" She yelled now, tears falling. Crap I hate it when they cry, especially her or Mom. I never really know what to do, do I just wait for it to stop or say something? So confused as usual I just stood there.

She just kept crying and it was getting worse. Finally frowning, not really sure I should, I went to her and put my hand on her shoulder, "Faith, I'm sure its just a misunderstanding. You guys will talk it out and everything will be okay."

Next thing I know she's grabbing me and crying all over me. Well, I'm not a stone okay, she is my best friend, so I put my arms around her. After all she's been there for me enough times in the past and hell just recently she was there for me.

"Oh Bosco," she's crying harder, "what am I going to do?"

Patting her back, "I don't know Faith, did he say why?"

Then she stuns the living hell out of me, pulls back and tells me, "Because of you."

Again I think I've not heard right, "EXCUSE ME? Me? Faith why the hell would Fred leave you because of me?" I stand there flabbergasted, but I think it dawns on me, "He didn't want you to ride with me again, did he Faith?" There had been hints about it, and I thought she was acting a little more pushy than even she usually does. Especially about riding with me, but I'd been glad to finally be forgiven and put Fred out of my head about it. I know I've ruined that relationship beyond repair, but I didn't think I'd done it to their marriage!

Shaking her head no against my shoulder now she's wetting my teeshirt with her tears. I close my eyes against what she was telling me. Never in my entire life have I caused the breakup of a marriage, and her telling me I caused hers was too much to take.

I push away from her, "NO," walking backwards I turned to the window, looking out at the night sky, "no way in hell am I taking this one Faith!" Hell I've taken enough guilt and responsibility for her in the past 9 months, I'm not responsible for this! She stands there silent now. I keep shaking my head no, my eyes closed now. Hell I'm about to cry, this can't be because of me. NO WAY IN HELL!

Turning around to her quickly, I think I know how to fix this, "Tomorrow you put in to...no, I'll put in to ride with someone else. Like you told me, you never left 55-David and our partnership, I did. So I'll leave again, you get another partner and Fred will see you are safe. If I'm not around he won't have a reason to..." she stops my words as she quickly steps up to me her hand on my mouth.

"NO," she whispers her voice rough with crying, "You won't." She takes her hand down, standing in front of me her face red now. Eyes huge, just looking at me.

My frown deepens, "But, Faith if you want him to come back, you have to do what he asks you to do. You know how I feel about it. He's been through a lot with you in this year, I can't blame him for worrying I might get you shot again. HELL Faith I worry about it!"

Next damn thing I know she gives me this 'look' and is kissing the hell out of me! I push her away, shocked like you would not believe, "STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Stepping away from her I walked to the other side of the coffee table not looking at her. My heart racing, I mean sure once or twice in the past I've wondered what it would be like to be with her, I am a guy afterall, BUT over the years, while I love her deeply, seriously? NOOO! She is my best..or was my best friend, my sister even, hell sometimes she's more mother to me than my own mother, but to seriously think that she would come on to me, or that I would return it? No, never.

She stands looking at my back, I can see her in the mirror on my bedroom wall through the entryway. Guilt overwhelming me for this, anger too, anger at myself for causing this to happen to her, anger at her for letting it. Anger at Fred for not coming to me about it. Hell I would have transferred before I would have caused their marriage to break up. The guy has his faults, but so does she and so do I. But he doesn't deserve this, none of us do.

Staring at the floor now, not wanting to meet her eyes in the mirror. I don't hear her come up on me. "Bosco, please look at me," she says softly. Instead of being embarrassed and angry she is continuing. Oh shit now what do I do. Her husband just walked out because of me, and I just rejected her and she's still here!

"No," I tell her firmly, "I'm sorry Faith but this is not the way to make it all better." I can barely get the words out, my throat is so tight. All I can see istwelve years of friendship down the drain if this continues tonight, losing one of the few people in my life who really cares about me.

"I'm not leaving," she says just asfirmly, "Fred didn't just leave because I wouldn't stop riding with you. He left because he says I'm in love with you." I can hear her tears starting up again.

I close my eyes tightly, my face screwed up, 'No, no, no, no!' I don't want to hear anymore, I can't hear anymore.

But she doesn't stop.

Tearfully she continues, "I tried to deny it Bosco, but he's right. I am in love with you."

I turn to her in moe shock,to tell her to leave and she is all over me. Kissing my face, holding me, crying again harder. Telling me she has been in love with me for a long time. I'm so stunned now I can't breathe! This is a freaking nightmare! Before I can speak she is tearing my shirt pulling it up to take it off of me.

It has not occurred to her that I have not touched her once in this andnow I'm crying asI take her hands into mine, kiss them on the knuckles, "Stop," I whisper to her, "stop Faith please. I can't do this." I do love her, very much, but not like this. This is wrong, I want to scream that at her, to tell her to go after Fred, to run not walk, but I see the look on her face.

Was not the right time to talk about it.

Because now she gets pissed off.

"CAN'T" she yells backing up jerking her hands from mine, "can't Bosco or won't?"

"Is there a difference?" I ask her gently, then shake my head no, "And it doesn't matter Faith, it's not going to happen. I don't do this and you know it. I don't sleep with married women. And I sure as hellwon't sleep with my partner; who is also my best friend who I do love very much; just because I can take advantage of her pain."

"OH," she snarls at me...here it comes, "You CAN sleep with every slut out there who even acts like she's looking your way, but I tell you I love you and I'm free now and suddenly...YOU DON'T DO THIS! Screw you, Bosco!"

She pushes past me, shoving me over the edge of the coffee table. I tripped but caught myself on the couch, watching her go to the door. "FAITH!" I yelled out, I may not want to do this, but I can't let her leave so hurt and angry; she needs a friend right now. Not the best qualified for that at the moment I'm sure, but I'm all thats available right this second, "Stop okay, please. Lets talk about this."

But she is out the door. It slams behind her and I hear her telling me to 'go fuck yourself' as she moves away from the door.

I give a deep huffing sigh and sat down on the couch, my head in my hands, "What the fuck just happened? Oh my god what did I cause? How could she think that I would... Oh god how did this happen?"

Getting up off the couch I started to go after her, but as I put my hand on the doorknob I knew I couldn't do it.

'What can you possibly say to make this better Moe?' asking myself the same question I've been asking for months now about most of my life and the people in it. And as usual I get the same answer back, "Nothing, not a damn thing." This is right now, the worst moment of my life.

And for the first time in a long time, going into the kitchen I reached into the cabinet over the fridge and took down the bottle of whiskey I'd stashed there. Me and Jack are gonna become real good friends again tonight.

TBC...


	2. Giving In and Giving Up Chapter 2

**Little note here, this was written before 'Monsters' was shown, so its not in line with what's happened, it was my take on what might happen. Also, remember who's writing this, the same woman who brought you Rules and Broken Trust (under another name) and assorted other insanity lol. I thank you for the reviews you may or may not have given on Chapter 1, since I put this one up the same day lol, because a friend wanted to read it and couldn't on another site. so, Enjoy.. **

**M.**

**Giving In and Giving Up**

**Chapter Two**

Faith's POV

"That little son-of-a-bitch!" I was so damn mad I couldn't see straight. My husband ofnearlyseventeenyears leaves me, takes my kids away with him; all because he thinks I'm in love with Bosco, something he has accused me of being for months now, and I tell him how I feel and he tells me 'I can't do this'?

"Can't or won't?" I screamed at him. Then he tells me there is no difference. He's been screwing every woman who would say yes for years and he turns ME down! Oh my god!

I came home after work tonight to an empty house to find there was a letter on the dining room table, it was from Fred.

In it he told me the same thing he's been saying since two months ago. That I had to make a decision, and since it was obvious I wanted both of them, he was making it for me. Can't really blame the guy, I sure as hell wouldn't have put up with him not choosing between myself and some woman at work. He wrote that he knew I was 'in love, or at least infatuation' with Bosco. Told me in the letter to figure it out, then, when I did to call him or serve him with divorce papers. Thats all he wrote. The problem withhim 'demanding' this,is I love them both. I'm in love with them both, I guess.

His letter really made me mad, mad enough that I said to myself, "Fine! Decision made," and went to Bosco.

Oh my god! What did I do?Why the hell did I do that?I threw myself at him like an idiot, telling him I loved him. The look on his face. I've been walking now for an hour, and I still see it so clear. He wasn't just shocked, he was stunned, stunned and horrified. Guess I should have expected that. He's always prided himself on not dating married women, not sleeping with them. On being able to spot them right off. He's only really had two rules about women. #1 No married ones. #2 No kids. The kids thing is because he says he's not going to be responsible for screwing up some little kids childhood because he wants some of the kids mom.

I always respected him for that. Too many of the guys, single and married we know at work don't give a damn. And now I've tried to put him in the same category. Good going Faith, as usual, great job. Screw up your marriage that you worked so damn hard on, give up your husband and kids for him, and ask him to go against one of his most important moral codes.

You thought this would work out how?

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Actually I never thought it 'would' work out. Never thought about it like that at all until I got shot.

Thats the real catalyst. I'm not stupid, the therapist and I worked through enough for me to realize that I have real issues with that. Wanting to kill Cruz, get revenge on her for turning Bosco into a criminal. But when she tried to suggest to me recently that I might feel the same way about Bosco for getting me involved to begin with, I stopped going to see her.

I've enough insight to deduce that this might be that revenge. Make him responsible for my failed marriage and I don't have to have any blame. Fred is to blame, because he's jealous, doesn't understand what its like out there with a partner. Bosco to blame because he made me love him. But not me, no sir, not me.

Bosco called me a martyr last year. Told me that I never took responsibility for my failings as a mother and wife, or partner. If things got bad at work, blame Bosco, home, Fred. That pissed me off like you can never know. But he was right. I know that. I was right with the things I said to him too. That he is like a child. Always jumping in feet first. Then running for help when he can't handle it.

But that doesn't excuse what I've done.

Oh my god! There I am kissing him and he pushes me away, with that look on his face again. Shock and Awe got nothing on that look. I'm talking and he's trying to keep up, and not doing such a great job, he obviously saw this as out of the blue! Well why not, he and I have been hashing over my marriage..good and bad parts..for years. His answer has _always_ been, 'Work it out Faith, you're lucky to have Fred.' that he would not 'run' at the first sign of trouble, that he would if it were him do everything in his power to make it work,and then some. That to him it was 'till death'. Thats the real reason he's never gotten serious enough to try marriage. Because to him there is no 'try' there is only 'do'. He isn't afraid to commit, he's afraid he will commit to the wrong woman and his life and children's lives will be like his growing up. Hell.

So yeah his face said it all. Shock and Awe..no, Horror. I just dumped into his lap...him being responsible for MY failed marriage. His worst nightmare come to life.

Now I'm living mine. My heart wants both, neither want me. I failed Fred, cut him to the quick and dumped my 'guilt' into Bosco's lap and said 'here this belongs to you, you did this, you deal with it'. Maybe the shrink was right, maybe this is my revenge on him.

Looking up I see the church in front of me. I haven't been in a long time. God and I don't see things the same much anymore. Bosco goes. Fred too, he takes the kids. I always have an excuse. Funny huh?

The two men whom I'm asking to deal with my indecision, my guilt, my self destruction...they find time to go. But not me. I'm not responsible,they are.

Truth is I want them both. I can at least admit that to myself. I try not to be a hypocrite, if I screw up I don't want anyone to cover for me, I admit it, I want them both.

The easy way would be to act like this never happened, that I didn't throw myself at Bosco. Go home and call Fred ask him to go to counseling. I do love him after all.

But when have I ever taken the 'easy' way?

Never.

So I turn away from the church in front of me. Walking quickly now I head home.

I want Bosco. Fred's gone, his decision not mine and took my kids with him. So what do I have left?

Bosco.

And I'm going to have him. He just needs time to get use to the idea.

Yeah, thats all we both need. Time. He'll see the truth in how he feels, he'll come around. He just needs time. Right?

Right.

TBC...


	3. Giving In and Giving Up Chapter 3

**Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews, glad you guys are enjoying this. The spoilers I spoke of came true, Mikey was killed, and Fred is divorcing Faith, but not for the reason I'm writing about, as I said before. So, thats all the spoilers I knew back when I wrote this.**

**M.**

**Giving In and Giving Up**

**Chapter Three**

Fred's POV

I'm just sitting here staring out the window of Faith's parents house, watching the lake, Emily and Charlie are wandering around down there fishing I guess. Faith's parents aren't here with us, they decided a month ago to take one of those RV trips so they will be gone for a few weeks making this as good a place as any to retreat to while my wife decides our future as a couple and family.

Two days and she hasn't called.

We left the house two damn days ago and not one word from her. Well, what did I expect? I know my wife, stubborn to the core. She is convinced for monthsI'm wrong, convinced she's right. Finally admits I 'may' be somewhat right so I give her an ultimatum, she...well that's for later. So now what?

Well I'll tell you now what, now she has to get her head on straight, that's what.

I know she's always had a 'thing' for her partner. No, I knewit wasn't a 'love' thing, at least not like us. But when Cruz came along it's like all she could see was Bosco and how she could stop him from leaving the partnership, how she could 'get him back'. Not that I saw that at the time of course. I just knew they'd been having problems. Hell I was kind of glad to tell you the truth. Not that I didn't really like the guy, I did, but, well that was a long time ago now. Sure we were at one time good friends, but he's one of the most screwed up people I know, and the always bringing his problems to my wife when he couldn't figure them out...well that all came to a head when he got her involved with the Noble thing and got her shot.

Okay, yeah don't yell at me, I know she made the decision to be there. Just another symptom of the disease according to the shrink.

What? Does it surprise you that we both were seeing the counselor?

Why? I was the one who tried to get her to go.

She talked to us both eventually about the 'partnership' issues at work. How it affected each of us and both of us together. How Faith had 'subjugated' the 'work' relationship into something else. Something that was beginning to mean more to her than her home life. Doc said it was a symptom many Officers faced eventually, even same sex ones. The stress and tension of dealing with life and death situations almost daily, the constant togetherness often bringing a sense of 'reality' of a relationship where perhaps if they were only 'friends' outside the job, would not exist. If the job were in an office or non death defying situation neither would get as intense about the other and what goes on in their lives.

She said she sees it especially if one is married and the other single. If the single has no one at home, the constant banter and talk about the 'married' life can lead to a sense of 'I want that' that neither recognize until its a problem. Of course she said it can be the other way around too, with the married partner finding it easier to turn to the uninvolved partner than deal with problems at home.

She also tried to tell us that, well, Faith anyway, that its the old 'grass is greener' thing too, or it can be.

But get it, the 'greener'and live with them and you end up with the same problems, the same situations you are running away from, only now you have it 24/7, and all the other problems you bring with you because of a divorce. That is until the Boss's find out. Then you are split up as partners, hell you are split from the same precient. Not allowed. So finally you get what you 'think' is better, and find that it is not. In fact the 'desperation, Katy bar the door, hell or high water, I'm gonna be happy or die' way that this is going with her, usually ends in disaster faster than the first marriage. As soon as they get what they want, its not what they thought, and bam its over. Doc also said that if we split up and Faith did end up with her partner...this I asked about, not Faith, she was pissed when I told her I had asked...that any relationship she tried to establish with Bosco would blow up in her face twice as fast as any other relationship she might find.Faith told me and the Doc to get screwed. But she still insisted on pushing for the partnership to resume. At first yea, she did establish boundaries. NO personal talk, no helping with problems.

And for a while it worked, not that I was happy about any of it. Hell I was more scared he'd get her killed this time than him ending up in bed with her cause honestly, the 'in bed' thing never crossed my mind. Bosco may be a lot of things, but we shared enough conversations in the past when we were friends for me to know that he's not an adulterer. In fact he made a big point of Making that point. Said his Dad...well I won't go into what he said to me about him, just know it wasn't an easy life growing up.

But then his brother got into trouble again, and soon it started all over. He couldn't handle it, and Faith this time instead of waiting to be asked, jumped in with both feet. When Mike was killed two months ago, Bosco had a 'breakdown'. Damn I can't blame him there. If my sister died the way he did, was in as much 'trouble' in her life as him, I'd have ended up the same way. After that, Faith was right back to where she was before the shooting. In the damn middle of Bosco's sad messed up life.

I asked her to back off and she blew like a geyser at Yellowstone! We went right back into fighting about Bosco and us. I accused her of being in love with him, that or thinking she was his mother savior. Holy crap, the look that came over her face. The look in her eyes. That's when I told her what the shrink had finally told me. She kept screaming at me that the Doctor didn't have the right to tell me that. I couldn't make her understand it wasn't ABOUT her it was about ME, I had asked about the 'situation' and what usually came of them if they went to far.

These last couple of months have been hell at home. Her not speaking to me unless spoken to, sleeping on the couch instead of in our bed, I tried to get her to talk to the Doc again but she blew me off, then she finally confessed two weeks ago that the Doc had told her the same thing as she'd told me. I again saw the look in her eyes, she'd lied about it when we'd discussed it and that's when I knew, she was in love with him.

She admitted it, finally. I stood silent for a long time, both of us just standing there, then I asked her if she thought he might know, she said no. Asked if she thought he felt the same way and would she leave me for him? Again she said, no she didn't think he did. Then she hesitated and said he might, she wasn't sure but didn't answer the second part of my question so, I asked again if she would leave. She told me she loved me, that she might have confused feelings about him, but that she loved me too if she did.

I told her to choose, that she had no choice but to do so. It was Bosco or her husband, me, and she couldn't have both. If I'm not number one in her life, with our marriage and us as a team, raising our kids, then she had to leave or I would. She said she understood. Even admitted that I was a lot more understanding than her, that if the situation were reversed she would not tolerate it for a minute, much less as long as I had. Then she said that while she 'loved' him, it wasn't what I thought it was, that she loved meas her husbandand she wasn't leaving.

We kind of just dropped it, I guess I thought that meant she'd chosen, we started sleeping in the same bed again, but nothing else. I still couldn't stand the idea of her having these feelings for him, but tried to let it go, I mean, she hadn't left, right?

Two weeks later, Friday morning. I roll over in bed, to kiss her to wake her up; and she as she opens her eyes, says, "ummm Bosco." I got out of that bed so fast my head was spinning. She sits up staring at me, knowing what she just did, red faced. At least she had the decency to look ashamed. Now I know we can't control our dreams okay? But no man after what I'd been through should be expected to take that.

We didn't discuss it. I just left for work.

That night when I got home, I packed the kids, told them we were going to Grandma's for a few weeks, and that Mom wasn't coming as she had to pull doubles. We needed a vacation, and saidthat she would see them on her days off. I know Em didn't really buy it, she's been looking at me suspicious since I told her to go pack. Charlie bit right into it though, he loves coming out here to the lake.

I only pray that Faith comes to her senses, and calls me or comes here and that the next car to show isn't some guy serving me with divorce papers. I think that would kill me.

I hear a car coming down the drive in the front of the house and for a momentI actually had a sharp feeling of hope and thankfulness come over me. Oh my god maybe she realized what was important and was coming 'home'?

Walking quickly to the door I was stunned to see Bosco walking up the steps to the house.

Before he could reach the porch landing, just as he was about to put his foot on it, I opened the door.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

He walks a few steps closer,looking up at me, "Fred, I need to talk to you." He looks like shit warmed over and is giving me that big-eyed lost little kid look. That look has grown to really piss me off lately.

"Thought you'd be off with my wife!" I snarl at him, blaming him despite knowing it was Faith's fault this was happening, "Making sure you ruin my life!"

"Look Fred she came to me Friday night, okay?" Before he can say another word, when I hear that come out of his mouth...

I charged his ass, grabbing him up by his jacket front, yanked him onto the porch and punched the living shit out of him.

And this time? This time there was no Sullivan to stop me.

TBC...


	4. Giving In and Giving Up Chapter 4

**In case you didn't notice, lol, you're going to get two chapters at a time here, don't want to take to long to get this one out, lol they might do something crazier on TW and I'll explode and kill my muse! tee hee hee...hum wonder why he's hiding suddenly? ;)**

**Enjoy! M.**

**Giving In and Giving Up**

**Chapter 4**

Bosco's POV...

I woke up Saturday morning on my livingroom floor. Under the coffee table. Banged the shit out of my head when I tried to sit up before opening my eyes good. Don't laugh I got a bruise on my forehead from it.

Oh man did my head hurt, and not just from the knock either. Seems I completely finished off that bottle of Jack. Well, I did say we were going to become good friends, just didn't expect him to 'leave mad' like he did and leave me under the coffee table. Damn I can't remember the last time I did one this hard, well except when Mike died. Don't know how I ended up down there. Last thing I remember was laughing at some jerk on TV trying to stick his head in ...I have no idea what he was doing, just that it was funny as hell at the time.

Wiping the slobber from my mouth, yeah I'm a sloppy drunk when I get drunk...sue me, I tried to get up, again, this time making it out before I sat up completely.

Leaning back against my couch I looked around me wondering what the hell woke me up when I heard the damn phone ringing. My answering machine picked itup, "Oh fuck!" I groaned. It's Faith. My head is splitting open, so I sit with it in my hands, elbows on the table hoping she'll go away and leave me to die in peace.

She leaves some message, I don't know what about,I really just tried to ignore it. My head's still reeling around what she told me last night. I don't want to deal with this, just want to wish and hope it away. Hell that's what I was hoping Jack would do for me. Get shitfaced hard enough and wake up the next morning and it would all be just a bad dream.

But it's not a dream, it's real. I hear her words on the machine. She says she's coming over and to let her in. That she 'loves me' and wants to talk about it.

Not a chance in hell that's happening. I know how she is, once she decides you are going to 'do or be' something, hell AND high water can't stop her. But a locked door and not answering the phone can sure as hell hold her off for awhile.

After hitting the head...not really the 'thought' I wanted just now as I rubbed my bruised forehead...I grabbed something to eat. My stomach was not happy with me about that and soon I was on my knees worshipping the white goddess.

Man, next time I decide to 'leave reality' remind me to do it with beer or hell, coffee! Now I was having the headache from hell and puking my guts out. But at least I wasn't hearing her leave another message.

Finally giving up on eating, or living right then, I went to bed. Dropping down, carefully, I moved the pillows around and got comfortable. I was asleep in seconds, not even my headache could compete with the 'drunk' I was still on.

I woke to the sound of the damn buzzer going off on my intercom. Rolling over to my stomach burying my head under my pillows, I tried to ignore the damn thing, but it was no good. Damn thing sounded like an insane mosquito attacking my head. Giving up ever getting enough sleep to kill this headache, I got up, throwing a pillow in anger across the room just to make my point. But I alreadyknew who was at the door, and I still didn't want to 'think' about it, much less 'talk' about it, so, instead of answering the buzzer I turned on the radio, to a hard rock station, cranked it up loud and went into the bathroom. Closing the door as softly as I could, music I couldbarely handle, a slammed door, no, thenI started the shower.Oh god that felt good,few minutes later standing under it trying to drink the entire city supply to quench this massive thirst I abruptly had I decided this was as good a place to sleep as any, so I plugged the drain, filled the tub with hot water, and lay back. Now maybe I could finally get enough sleep to kill this headache.

Later finally waking on my own and not because of the phone or door buzzer, I got out of the cold water, well ok, maybe the shivering had something to do with it, but my headache was gone. Mostly.

Now I was hungry, well not really but my stomach was killing me and I needed something in it to stop it. I get heartburn a lot these past few years, and right now the only way to kill it was to eat. I'll probably end up with an ulcer now with this shit.

Just when I finish off the Chinese chicken from last week, the damn phones ringing again. I listen just in case its my Mom or someone else, or work but nope, its her. Rolling my eyes here, like you thought it wouldn't be?

Okay that's it then, I'm not sitting here all damn day..what's left of it anyway listening to the phone ring and her messages. I can't take the phone off the hook or disconnect my machine cause if my Mom calls I want to be able to answer it, and if work calls I need to answer it, if only to tell them I'm sick and can't come in. So I grab my cell phone, keys and jacket and head out the door, forgetting the whole selfless phone answering thing.

Driving around aimlessly, I realize that this wasn't the best idea. Now I have nothing to do but think about what she said.

What the hell does she think of me? How little does she really think of me? Does shehonestly think that I would just fall all over her? She's a married woman for craps sake, and, even if she and Fred were divorced, if they got that way because of me, no matter if I knew about it or not...there is just too much..oh hell no!

Hell I can't believe that I'm even trying to 'justify' her actions.

As I was remaking Jack's acquaintance last night, I really examined what I might have done to make her think I would return any deeper feelings than good friends or partners. I love her sure, but not that way, but, did I do anything to make her think I did? I can't for the life of me remember a time when I might have. I highly doubt my 'Mother' comments or pointing out that she was needing to lose some pounds cause she was slowing down chasing perps would make her think I was turned on, would it?

As for going to her with my problems, would that do it? I mean sure, there were plenty of times I had no one else I could talk to about things, hell I even told her that once. Then she got shot and I really had no one but myself to get me out of the crap I'd gotten into.

I had to 'grow up' in my life and my police work. Became a better man and a better police officer I think anyway,because of not having her do it all for...oh shit! Oh my god...I'm so fucking stupid.

Now I really can't deal with this!

I head for the nearest bar...and spend the rest of the day; what there is of it; and most of the night trying to drink myself out of this mess.

I woke up in the bed of some redhead. Disentangled myself from her sheets and dressed as quickly as I could getting the hell out before she woke up. I don't remember how I got there. I was surprised as hell to see my car actually sitting outside at the curb.

Said a prayer of thanks when checking my wallet I see the condom I keep is gone, shit I hope I used it, but since I can't remember...Oh crap Maurice how stupid can you get! Sitting there in the car I feel sick. Now in my younger days I wouldn't have thought twice, wouldn't have cared. But you change, grow up. Or at least that's what I try to tell myself. I haven't done a bender like this in...shit Moe be honest, you never do a bender. Too damn afraid of turning into Dad.

Now on top of everything else I got to worry about 'did I use a condom', what if she gets knocked up, or had something I don't want to share? Looking up at the apartment building in front of me, then the coffee shop across the street, I know what I'm going to do. Not what I want to do as right now, I just want to get the hell away from here. Last thing I need is another female crying about how I'm not being sensitive or 'how could you just leave', or 'why didn't you call'?

So, getting out of the damn car, I head across the street and buy two cups of coffee and a couple of bagels. Soon I'm in 'Celia's' apartment again, lying about how I went out to get breakfast. She goes to the kitchen as I excuse myself, making for the 'bathroom'. Searching the bedroom quickly I find the wrapper and condom in the garbage can in the bathroom. "Oh thank you god for watching out for drunks and idiots both of whom I happen to be right now!" Quickly I go back to the kitchen pretending to be on my phone, "Damn I'm so sorry, work!" pointing to the phone, "I got to go, I am really sorry!" She comes to the door, nodding in understanding, asking if I want her number. "Sure!" I smile, what the hell, don't mean I'm ever gonna use it. She writes it down, then asks me for mine. God knows I'm going to hell in an ice bucket. Smiling, giving her a quick kiss, I give her a bogus number and get the hell out of dodge. Yeah, actually believe it or not, I do feel like a shit. A royal shit to be exact. But you know, this wouldn't happen if women wouldn't go home with the first guy they meet in a bar attwo in the morning. I like a quick piece of tail as well as the next guy, I've just never really figured out why it always has to end the same way. With them wanting to make it more and me ducking and dodging like I'm in a damn Superbowl going for a touchdown with the other team on my ass. Why can't it just be about SEX? Everybody have a good time and go home happy? Of course if I could remember it...probably would be happier all around, huh?

I drive around awhile not really aiming for anywhere, just knowing I'm not going home. Not when she's out there waiting for me to show. Hell there aresix unanswered messages on my cell phone alone from her, I know my home phones ringing off the hook! Driving my neighbor nuts probably.

I'm not taking a chance that she's waiting for me either. So I keep driving, when suddenly it hits me.

_I need to talk to Fred_.

Took me no time to figure out where he might have gone. I remembered Faith remarking on how her folks were on some RV vacation somewhere in Canada. So I headed out to the island taking a chance he'd gone there, his inlaws really like him, pulling up to the house I see Fred's truck parked in the driveway.

I've had time on the drive out to think about what I was gonna say to him. Still sounded lame and stupid, but I had to make him understand that I didn't do this. At least not on purpose. That nothing had happened, and more importantly, nothing would. Not now, not ever.

Walking up to the house, my stomach is doing flips, feels like I swallowed a car battery, with cables attached.

Reaching the top step, about to walk across the porch I see the door suddenly fly open.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!" He shouts at me. "I thought you'd be off with my wife!"

"I need to talk to you Fred," I think that's what we said, its kind of fuzzy now, because the next thing I know, he's got me like he did in the hospital the night Faith was shot.

Only this time there is no window and no Sully. This time I'm on the railing of the porch and he's not being pulled off.

I felt the first two punches, seemed like my head was then separated from my body or something, because I could 'see' them coming, but didn't really feel them. Not then anyway.

I could hear him yelling at me to fight back, but even if I could have? I wouldn't have. He should be pissed enough to fight for her, he's her husband. He loves her. I was actually kind of proud of him for hitting me.

I hear someone else yelling, then its just sweet darkness.

TBC...


	5. Giving In and Giving Up Chapter 5

**Hey guys, thanks for the great reviews! I'm glad you are enjoying it, and wow, a shipper likes it too! Wonders never cease ;) hehe, just kidding. Two more chapters for you, enjoy!**

**M.**

**Giving In and Giving Up**

**Chapter Five**

Emily's POV...

"DAD!"

I couldn't believe my eyes! Charlie and I had been walking the lake when he remembered he'd left his best bait in the truck. Now I'm not interested in the fishing, but maybe the cute boy Kyle across the street from Grandma's is home, so I go with him hoping to catch sight of him. If I do I will ask him to come with us.

So feeling like maybe this 'vacation' can be saved from the depths of hell I round the corner of the house smiling as I smooth my shirt. Want to make a good impression you know?

Well, this sure as heck isn't going to do it! My dad beating the crap out of some guy on the porch! Oh My God! What the hell is going on!

"DAD! STOP!" Charlie is yelling as am I as we run up to the porch. Dad steps away from the guy and said guy falls to the floor, out like a light, with blood all over his lower face from a busted nose and mouth. Daddy is breathing really hard and looking at him like he could kill him, when suddenly he looks really scared.

"Bosco, get up!" he is almost growling but at the same time sounding unsure...wait a minute! BOSCO? I run up the steps to see yep it sure the hell is Bosco!

Charlie right behind me stops, nearly running into me,his mouth hanging open witha dumb stare on his face. Brothers!

Daddy sees us now, tells us, "Em take your brother in the house!" He also sees I'm not going anywhere because I'mjust staring between him and Bosco in shock and yells, "EMILY NOW!"

I instantly tell Charlie to go inside, giving him a push in the back as he has moved ahead of me to stare at the carnage. He looks down at Bosco then up at Dad and hauls it. Slamming the door behind him of course, but I see him come to the window next to the porch peeking out. His eyes are huge as he looks first at me then down at Bosco.

_"You too Em!"_ Dad isn't shouting, but he is kinda loud.

No way I'm leaving this!

"Dad, I'm_sixteen_ and I'm not leaving," I quickly tell him, "I've heard you and Mom, I know what you think, but I think you've all gone crazy and I'm not leaving until you calm down! Geesh Dad one parent gone is enough," as he stands there looking at me like I've gone nuts, I add, "Come on get him in the house before Kyl...the neighbors see!"

I bend down to Bosco grabbing his jacket on the shoulder, looking up at Dad, "WELL? Come on FRED want the cops called, I'm sure Grandma would really love that and Mom, Hello? Help me!"

Now he is moving as we lift him up off the porch and carry him into the house. Well, actually Dad carried him, I just kind of made sure Kyle from across the street wasn't looking. Then i made sure once he'd brought him in that the drapes were pulled just in case nosy Mrs. Watkins was in her window peeking. If she was the cops were already on their way, if she wasn't she soon would be just as soon as she noticed Bosco's mustang in the driveway. Nosy cow!

Dad laid Bosco down on the couch, and I went to get ice. Seemed like the thing to do, Dad was just standing there looking like he was the one who'd been punched out, hands rubbing his head, staring down at him from the other side of the coffee table now.

Coming back with the ice pack, I leaned down and tried to decide where to put it, I could have easily put it on on a couple of different spots, Dad had got him good...his eye. Looked like as good a spot as any.

"What happened?" I asked Dad glancing over at him as I lay the pack carefully on Bosco's face, honestly, he didn't look any better than Bosco, though he was awake and standing.

Suddenly though he looked like he 'woke up' and came over to us.

"Move Em," he gently lifted me to my feet, then sat on the coffee table near Bosco's head, "go check on Charlie would you?" His voice was soft now, sounded like he was sorry, scared, ashamed all mixed up. His elbows on his knees, he put his head in his hands, giving a big sigh, "I'll take care of him."

"Sure," I reply knowing that whatever caused this was over now, and I left the room. My Dad never stays mad for long, I knew Bosco was safe with him now.

Charlie's POV...

"OH MY GOD!" I couldn't believe it! My Dad was kicking Uncle B's butt! Big time! Course I missed most of it, stupid Emily taking her time walking from the lake. Fixing her hair, her shirt, just to impress that dumb kid across the street! I can't stand him, always trying to show off for girls.

Wow! I don't know what Uncle B did but it must have been bad for Dad to hit him! Dad never hits anyone, he just yells sometimes.

I did hear him and Mom yelling about Uncle B a couple of times, but when they realized we were listening they shut up. I never know what's going on around here! They act like I'm still a little kid, but I know something's wrong, I just wish I knew what. I asked Em if she knew, but she got all "Oh Charlie you're just to young to understand grownup stuff." Yeah like she isn't? Sisters!

Like it always happens, I get told to go in the house and Em gets to stay and see what happens next.

Boy I hate that!

Opps, here they come! I run into my bedroom, closing the door but I listen. Don't hear much, just a couple of things then Em is coming.

I'm sitting on the bed when she comes in, "Charlie are you okay?" Talking all big and stuff, I can't stand that either! Acting like she's Mom. Geesh!

"Yeah," I roll my eyes at her, but the suspense is killing me, "what happened? What did Dad and Uncle B get in a fight about? Is he dead?"

"I don't know what happened, or why," she begins, then shouts, "NO CHARLIE HE'S NOT DEAD! GEESH GROW UP!"

Standing next to my bed now, "YOU GROW UP EMILY! ALL I DID WAS ASK A QUESTION!"

Fred and Bosco...

"Bosco," Fred shook his shoulder gently, "come on wake up." Lifting the ice pack from his eye, Fred winces as he sees the blackening and swelling already beginning, he replaces it carefully.Taking the wet cloth from the bowl of water he carefully wipes the blood from Bosco's chin and mouth as gently as he can. Wanting to kick himself for having done this to begin with. Finishing, hequickly wipeddown his neck cleaning the last of the blood up, then put the cloth back into the bowl of water he'd brought from the kitchen after Emily went to check on Charlie. "Bosco come on man, wake up. Don't make me call an ambulance here. Faith would kill both of us!" A couple of more tries and Bosco begins to moan, slowly coming back to conciousness. When finally he opens his eyes, dazed, still looking around trying to orient himself, he lays there a moment as the pain registers. Face grimacing as he feels the hits before reachinghis hand up to his eye, he has the sense to quickly move back as he sees Fred leaning over to him.

"Easy," Fred places his hand on his shoulder, "take it easy Bosco, I'm not going to hit you again."

Bosco eyes him up carefully for a few moments, guaging his mood then seeing he's back to himself nods, looking down then back up at Fred as he touches his lip, his voice soft, "We need to talk."

Fred nods back, "Yeah I guess we do." Moving his head to look at Bosco's eye again, he gestures to it, "Sorry I lost it back there."

Sitting up gingerly as Fred moved away, Bosco gives a half smirk, "Don't worry about it. Its ok, hellif I was you I'd have done worse and I wouldn't have.." looking around him, "brought your ass inside. You'd be in the lake right now."

Fred stands, nodding and moves to a chair across from him, but before he sits, asks, "You need some aspirin? Want to go to the hospital? You were out for about 10 minutes." Standing waiting for Bosco's reply.

"Na, no hospital. And no aspirin, thanks anyway. Wouldn't help, plus I think the pain makes me feel less guilty." Bosco looks sheepishly at Fred.

Sitting, but frowning now, Fred asks, "Less Guilty? Less Guilty about _what_ exactly?"

Quickly Bosco reassures him, loudly exclaiming, "NO, no, no, no! Fred man don't even go there! NOTHING ever happened and nothing ever will!" His loud outburst causes him to hold his head attempting to stop it from falling apart with the sharp shooting pains radiating throughout it.

Puzzled Fred responds, "But you said she came to you Friday..."

"I did?" Bosco groans, "NO, I meant she came to 'see' me Friday. Said you think we're or she's in love with me, or me, her? I came to tell you that isn't true! At least not on my part..." he paused squinting his eyes closed, wondering if he's said too much, figuring that he had, or at least said it wrong,he grew quiet.

"Bosco," Fred sees his sudden blush, closed eyes and understanding what must have happened grows angry, but simply says, "I know what she told you, or I think I do. This is not something that we 'just' realized, or have just started dealing with. We were even seeing a counselor about it. Well not just about this, but yeah, anyway."

Mouth open in shock, Bosco holds the ice pack away from his eye, staring at Fred, "I didn't do anything! At least not on purpose, I want you to know that. I love her, BUT, only like a sister. She's my partner, I'd die for her if I had too, but I'm not 'in love' with her Fred, you should know, no, you deserve to know that. I've been doing a lot of thinking," he gave a sardonic laugh, "well a lot of 'drinking thinking' since Friday night. I realize that I've taken a lot of her time and energy in the past asking for help, acting like she was my wife in some ways. Taking and not giving much back. Using her to get away with a lot at work. Laying my problems on her. But you have to know, everytime she ever came and told me about 'problems' here with you, I always helped her work through them. I always told her she was lucky to have you, and should tell you so." He figured he was already in the deep end so he kept going, "That time when she was going to leave you? I told her to do whatever it took. Make whatever sacrifices she had to, to make it work." He gives another small laugh, "She told me I knew nothing, because I'd never had a relationship last more thantwo weeks. She was partially right, I hadn't at that time. But I told her that if it was me? I wouldn't run at the first sign of major trouble. That for me it was until 'death' not until 'hard'. That I would go to counseling, do whatever and then when I had done all of that...I would find something else to do to make it work."

Pausing he put the ice pack back on his eye, looking at Fred, who remained silent. Fred was actually in shock hearing this out of Bosco's mouth. He knew he had strong views on things, just except for histwo dating rules and why they were in place, he'd never heard this much from him about anything serious.

"I grew up in a house where this happened, Fred," looking at his lap, his voice soft, sad, "I swore I would never let it happen to my marriage if I ever got married. I also swore I'd never do it to anyone else's."

Fred was nodding slowly, watching him.

"I'm so damn sorry," Bosco looked up at him, tears falling, "I never meant to hurt you or the kids, or Faith. I'm going to ask for a transfer to another house, or shift if they can't do that. If Swersky says no...I'm not telling him why cause I don't want to cause anymore embarrassment or pain to your family. If he says no, I'm quitting. I just came here today to tell you that. Again, Fred I'm so sorry."

Fred sat still watching him. Seeing he was sincere, that he was almost as upset about it as Fred was.

"Bosco," he began to explain what the 'counselor' had told him about the situation, how the work environment could take over and become 'everything' for cops if they were not extremely careful to nurture their home life the way they had to do their work life.

Giving a nod every once in awhile and asking the occasional question, Bosco listened to Fred carefully.

"So," Fred finished finally, "you see according to her it was actually just a matter of time before one of you cracked. Unfortunately it was my wife, not you. At least if it had been you I could have just whupped your ass and still had my marriage intact. Or maybe not considering how she hates anyone to get in her business."

"Yeah I know," Bosco grinned slightly, "been there done that."

"You want a beer?" Fred stood up, deciding that he was going to be ok despite what Faith did or didn't do, "I do. Going to check on my kids and then I'm heading out to the lake to watch the sun set, you're welcome to join me if you want."

Shaking his head in astonishment, Bosco grinned, then winced as his lip burned, "I'll never understand how you can just forgive and forget Fred. How is it so easy for you to do?"

Grinning back at him, "Hey, I never said I would forget, hell I haven't even forgiven you yet. My wife still isn't home is she? But, I can start, if you don't arrest me for hitting you."

Bosco laughed, "Okay, its a deal, and yeah I'd like that beer. Want me to get them while you see about the kids?"

"Sure," walking to the hall Fred called back, "you remember where they are?"

"Yep," Bosco headed to the kitchen, grabbed a couple of cold Buds and went out to the wharf, still shaking his head, 'If it was me, he'd be in this damn lake'.

Fred, Emily and Charlie...

"Hey guys," Fred cautiously greeted Emily and Charlie. The guilty looks on their faces told him that two mice might have gotten more than they should have from his and Bosco's mostly quiet conversation.

Before he could reprimand them about 'eavesdropping' Charlie piped up, "I wasn't listening Dad, honest! Em was!"

"SHUT UP BRAT!" Emily blushed to her roots.

Fred wanted to laugh, but this was too serious to laugh about.

"Emily, you know better," he admonished her, but putting his arm around her added, "we'll talk later, okay? You and Charlie go get dinner started. I think maybe Bosco can be talked into staying if we ask nicely."

Emily raised her eyebrows nearly to meet those roots, looking up at him, "Uh Dad are you serious? He..."

"He is not your concern, that's what he is, now," Fred gently pushed her out of the room, motioning for Charlie to join his sister, "do what I asked you. I said we would talk later and we will. But for now, just be nice and Charlie that goes for you too."

"Yes sir," both kids chimed in, Charlie happily, Emily rolling her eyes with her voice. But she went ahead to do as he asked her. Her Dad to her mind had always done the right thing, even if she didn't always understand it. So if he said it was okay, then it must be. But she sure wished she knew how it was okay.

Looking out the kitchen window at her Dad and Bosco sitting on the wharf chairs, Emily wondered what the heck was wrong with this picture. She'd heard enough to know something of what was going on, and while she was very upset by the idea that her mother could do this, she might be more upset by the fact that her Father and the man her mother seemed to be doing this with were the ones sitting and talking instead of her Father and Mother.

Shaking her head to clear it, thinking that maybe for once the Brat was right, she didn't understand adults as much as she thought she did, or the crazy things they did.

"Come on Charlie," she turned from the window, "lets get dinner finished."

"Oh and Charlie?" as he joined her at the counter, "Remind me again why I want to be an adult?"

"Beats me!" Charlie frowned as he took the lettuce out of the bag and put it into a bowl, "I'm never growing up. It looks like it sucks!"

Emily looked down at him, grinning as she shouldered him, "Sometimes Charlie, sometimes."

TBC...


	6. Giving In and Giving Up Chapter 6

**Giving in and Giving Up**

**Chapter Six**

Faiths POV...Monday after...

"Hey, Sully have you seen Bosco?" I'd been here thirty minutes now and he'd not shown. After what happened this weekend I really didn't expect him to but was hoping against hope he would. Leave it to Bosco to avoid what he refused to face.

"No Faith, as usual he's probably stuck in traffic somewhere," Sully was putting on his belt as he readied for the shift, "Don't know why he doesn't just ride the train, at least then he'd be on time."

"No he wouldn't Sul!" Ty grinning at me replied, "He'd get off at the wrong stop and be lost for an hour trying to find his way out!" They shared a laugh, I joined in a little. Bosco was notorious for getting lost in the city, his sense of direction sometimes left a bit to be desired. Finally finished dressingthey headed out to rollcall.

"Coming Faith?" Ty asked as he went through the door.

"Not yet," I smiled at him, "I need to use the little girls room." Buying time is more like it. If he thinks he's gonna fly in after I'm out on patrol with someone else like Sasha while he hides, he's got another think coming!

"Oh," Ty grins at me, "well see you in there."

I pace the floor of the locker room, checking my watch over and over, "Come on Bosco you're not getting off so easy this time."

Sergeant Cruz comes in, stoppinga moment as she sees me beforestarting forward to her locker, "Oh, hey Yokas."

"Hey Sarge," I reply distracted for once and not really caring to be snide today. She for once was not my object of concern.

She glances quickly at me seemingly surprised at my almost cordial greeting before going to her locker where she begins changing. I notice she keeps glancing over at me untilfinally the suspenseseems to be killing her and she can't help but butt in where she's not wanted or needed, "Aren't you going to be late for rollcall?"I shrug then she grins like we're friends or something and pips up,"Oh let me guess, Boscorelli's late again? Big surprise huh?" She actually seems to be trying lately to 'get along.

I couldn't care less, but not wanting to attract attention later when he does show, reply casually, "Guess so, I mean, guess not, huh?" Giving a slight smile, "Oh well, I'll talk to him later, got to get to role call."

Leaving the room, I hear her say, "If I see him I'll tell him you were looking for him, if he isn't already 'in' rollcall."

"Sure," I call back quickly closing the door behind me trying to avoid anymore 'getting along'. Since the shoot-out at the bus yard things had eased between us, but I was not and am not looking to be buddies with her, I still think she's dirty and a royal bitch.

"Yokas," Lieu calls out as I enter the room full of Officers trying to not look like schoolchildren as they sit around in the adult size student desks, I hate those things,"Glad to see you could finally join us."

"Sorry Lieu," I nod sheepishly as I hurry to take my seat while lancing quickly around trying to see if he snuck in before me like Cruz suggested.

Sasha laughing at that comments, teases, "Taking after your partner now? Not good Faith!"

Everyone laughs a moment then quiets down as Lieu continues his daily log of bad guys to look out for. In a few minutes he's passing out sheets with pictures on them.

Now even he can't stand it and with his face and tone turning sour he speaks, "Yokas," he calls over to me, "is Boscorelli not joining us this fine day, oris he just late,again?"

"Can't really say Lieu," I reply, "haven't talked to him." Lie, yeah I know, but not really, right? I called him all weekend long but got no answer. Even went back by his place but he wouldn't answer the door. Mustang was gone the third time I went by on Sunday, I guess he was avoiding me, yeah right Faith you know damn good and well he was.

A deep sigh escapes him, I can tell he's about had enough of babysitting Bosco over his tardyness, "Okay, well have him come see me when you do!"

"Sure thing Lieu," I again smile waiting for the inevitable to happen.

It didn't take long, "Monroe you ride with Yokas seeings how her partner again forgot to show up or call in sick!"

Once again I'm partnered with Sasha. Truth be told I like her, but we became kind of close when I was without Bosco last year, and during my recovery,so,I really don't want to ride with her today. I can't deal with her getting suspicious something is wrong at home, or between Bosco and me. Sometimes her radar is scary. I think I'm doing great to be here at all considering what happened Friday night, to ride with her, well that might be pushing it. But I don't protest. To do so would only make her and Lieu suspicious. So I grin and bear it. Hopefully this shift will be so busy there won't be time to talk.

We leave theHouse andstill, no Bosco.

Shaking my head as I get in the car; Sasha is driving the first part of the shift; I swear I'm going to hold it together today, no matter what it takes.

After our last call of the evening we return to the house with a prisoner, I can't really remember now what he'd done. Probably just pissed one of us off ithad beenthat kind of shift, all night. One stupid call after another, but at least that made it to busy to talk about much personal stuff, just as I'd hoped.

Stepping inside the brick buildingI'm shocked to see Bosco exiting Lieu's office withLieu following him to the door, calling out, "Would youat least explain why you're doing this?"

Stopping,Bosco doesn't see us as he'slooking at the floor, I see him sigh, his shoulders hunching, with that 'look' of defeat and avoidancethat is nearly his trademark.

"I can't Lieu," he states harshly, his voice sounding strained and rough to anyone listening, "If you can't do this for me; then I'll just quit." Leaving Swersky with his mouth hanging he storms off before Swersky can ask another question or react to his announcement. Heading to the locker room with a large duffel bag in his hand.

My heart sinks to my knees as I realize what he must have done. Either he's asked for a new partner, or a transfer. Either way, he's trying to avoid me.

"What was that about?" Sasha stares at me her voice and face shocked.

"Don't know," I lie, swallowing my deception, "can you do this alone?" I ask her thisknowing full well she can and that she fully expected me to go after him,I need to get in that locker room before he escapes.

"Sure," she nods, as she starts to lead her prisoner to the 'desk' to begin processing, "fill me in when you get back though."

Nodding to her I head upstairs quickly. Lieu has closed his door but I see him watching me as I go to the locker room door. He also looks down as he shakes his head thenwalks back to his desk.

I go past quickly in case he decides he needs to speak to me first and enter the locker room.

Bosco is standing at his locker, most of the stuff from the top shelf already in the bag on the bench beside him. He is taking another handful down, his body language stiff and unapproachable. Seeing me come in, he stops what he's doing, frowning at me before heturns away, "Don't!" he exclaims, the shadows on his face from the locker door and lighting preventing me from seeing his expression now, "Don't say anything, and don't come over here Faith. Just. go. away!"

Of course I completely ignore that statement.

Walking swiftly to him, I speak low but hard, "Bosco what are you doing?" I put my hand on his arm buthe acts like I burned him, yanking itaway. He stillrefuses to look at me, won'tanswer me. Just stands hunched against the world facing away waiting for me to leave. Fully expecting me to leave I guess, but he should know me better than that by now.

I realize he looks terrible, worse even than I feel. His hair is mussed, his face drawn and pale. I can only see the side of his face, but my eyes widen as I realize his left eye isn't shadowed, its blackened. My eyes drop to see there is another bruise on his jaw, and yet another I see as I step around him on his right, and his lip is swollen. A large blood scab just now really forming on the cut on his upper lip. He looks like he's been in a bar fight and lost.

"Oh my god!" I reach out my hand to touch his face but he jerks away from my touch. I try again,concern and worry in my voice, "What happened to you?"

"Leave me alone Faith!" Exclaiming as hebacks upto his locker again, the bag held between us, "Please! Just go away, don't do this!"

"NO!" I shout, "Bosco what the hell happened? I'm not leaving until you answer me! We can stand here all day if you want, but I'm not leaving until we talk and you tell me what happened to your face!"

"FINE!" he yells out stepping away from his locker again, rounding on me now, "YOU WANT TO KNOW SO FUCKING BAD WHAT HAPPENED TO ME FAITH? HUH? I'LL TELL YOU! I WENT TO SEE FRED! I WENT TO TELL YOUR HUSBAND THAT I DIDN'T HAVE A DAMN THING TO DO WITH THIS BREAKUP! THAT I DIDN'T HAVE A DAMN CLUE UNTIL FRIDAY NIGHT THAT ANYTHING WAS WRONG IN YOUR MARRIAGE! THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO ME FAITH! AND HE BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? DID-THAT-MAKE-YOUR-DAY?"

He spun back around as Swersky came through the doorway, the locker room door slamming against the wall with a 'bang'. "There a problem in here you two need to talk to me about? Or maybe you think it needs to be shared with the entire house?" He was pissed.

"No sir," Bosco stopping instantly backed up until he stood nearly inside his locker now, shaking his head.

I could have died of embarrassment right then and there.

"How about you?" Lieu was staring at me now.

"No sir," I looked down shaking my head.

"Then I suggest you take your 'personal' problems out of this house, NOW!" Lieu spun on his heel, glaring at me one last time before slamming the door behind him.

Bosco stood there shaking, I really couldn't have told you if it were anger, or embarrassment at his outburst.

Reaching up into his locker he started grabbing things off the top shelf again, stuffing them into the duffel as if he were escaping a fire or something.

"Bosco," I try again, softly, "Fred, did that to you?" I was ashamed, angry, fearful, all at the same time, wondering what they had said. What had happened. Were the kids there?

A deep sigh rushed out of him before he spoke, sarcasm dripping from his words like acid on my ears when he did speak, "No Faith, I ran into a door." His tone changing to pleading, "Now please; leave. me. alone."

"Where, what, why are you taking the things out of your locker?" I am buying time here, hoping to get him to talk to me, tell me what happened.

He freezes a moment as if he is reluctant to tell me, of course he is. With Maurice Boscorelli its one way or the other, either he's telling you way more than you ever wanted to know, or you have to pull the words from him like teeth from a pitbull, but I keep after him. "Bos, please I don't want to fight. I don't want this like this between us. Please tell me, what are you doing, you can't leave like this."

He turns to me again, the hurt in his eyes is palatable, I feel it in my gut. It tears at me like razors.

"I'm leaving. Taking a 46, you know _a vacation_?" He hesitates finally adding, softly, though not looking at me, "When I get back I asked Lieu to put me on another shift. If he can't or won't I asked for a transfer to another house. If he won't do that, I'm quitting."

I am stunned, I knew he was upset, knew he was angry,but to leave Camelot? To just quit?

"No," I protest stepping up to him, "Bos, please you can't leave. I won't let you do this! You are my partner, my best friend. I love you! I won't let you do this!"

Now he gives me this 'look', disdain would probably be a good word, sneer would also cover it.

"You _won't let me_?" Now he steps to me, "_won't let me Faith?_" He isn't yelling, but his voice is hard as a rock. Nothing of the softness I am used to when he speaks to me. This is the voice he uses when he is ready to blow. His blue eyes matching his voice in their hardness, nearly black in intensity at this moment in time.

"No," I stand my ground, believing as always that I can fix this, "I won't let you do this to yourself, to your career. To us."

"US?" he steps back astonishment on his face added to the other emotions now, "US? What US? Faith except as partners in a car there is NO US! There has never been and there will _Never will be an Us_ like you mean!"

"Not if you run there won't be!" I exclaim stepping nearer to him, "Bosco if you run we will never know what there can be between us! I know this one thingthough, I love you and I know you love me."

"Love me?" he states flatly, his expression incredulous, his tone sharpening to razors, "Love me? Faith do you even know what that word means? No don't bother to answer, let me do it for you," he begins to advance on me, the hard angry look coming into his eyes and on his face making me back up now, he keeps backing me up as he speaks, sarcasm and fury dripping from him as he speaks now, "No, you do not. You said it to Fred, didn't matter, you still screwed him over. You said it to your kids. Where are they Faith? Are they with their mother? NO! No they are not! Did you go after them, man takes your kids to who knows where and you didn't even worry once, did you? Did you go after him? No, no you didn't. Hell Faith you didn't even call to see if they were okay, if they needed you! You just ran to me! Ran to me, laying it all on Bosco! So no Faith the way I see it, no, you don't know the meaning of the word."

I am backed up now against the lockers behind his, he is directly in my face. I am breathing hard, the scent of him overpowering me. I breathe him in, wanting him so badly that his words are lost on me. "I care," I begin, stammering, "But Fred made the decision for us all, he left me. Bosco please, I care about my kids, and you, they are fine, they're with Fred, right?" That even sounds more horrible when I say it outloud. He's right, I was so caught up in finding him and making him see what I wanted was what he wanted this weekend I'd not even given the kids a second thought beyond that Fred had them.

Bosco sees right through me. "Fine," he sneers again, I see a certain look in his eyes now as he says, "as usual, Faith wants only what Faith wants. If anyone or anything doesn't fall into line she either beats it into submission or just throws it away." He looks down a moment as if contemplating something, then says,"And you called me a child?"

His eyes flash when he looks upagainthen he suddenly comes up against me pressing me to the lockers; hard. His body covering mine, the heat washing over me like a wave, his voice suddenly silky, low, sexy like I imagine he would speak in bed, "This what you want Faith?" His hand coming up to caress my cheek, "Is this it? You want me all over you like this," he leans his face close to mine, I feel his breath on my mouth, "huh? How about it Faith?" Like a lightening bolt from the sky he is kissing me, hard, deep, his hands all over me. I can barely stand I get so weak-kneedbut thenjust as quickly he is away from me leaving me shaking with the intensity of it. Then he does the most cruel thing. He laughs as he steps back into the center of the area, and wipes his mouth harshly with the back of his hand.

"Not bad," he meanly snarls as he laughs again, "but I've had better in a bar room drunk on my ass," driving it home, "hell I had better Saturday night just that way in fact."

Walking back to the locker, he barks at me, "Now get out. Fred beat my ass over you and you know what, I let him hit me. I deserved most of it, I should have stopped you when you wanted to partner up again and I didn't want to, but I let you have your way because I couldn't stand strong enough to force the issue." He paused looking back at me, " I didn't hit him back if you care, NOT because I was being noble, not because I thought he was right to blame me. But because he didn't deserve this Faith. So get out. And don't call me again. Go back to your husband and ask him to forgive you. He loves you, he wouldn't have whipped my ass like he did if he didn't." He pauses as I stand with my mouth open, then finishes with, "He and I had a nice long visit and talk, he's not giving up on you, and you shouldn't him."

"Bosco, he should be arrested for attacking you like that!" I yell, not believing my own ears at what is coming out of my mouth, this is almost as bad as not calling my kids! But I continue, "Did you at least give him some of his stupidity back?"

Now he is looking at me like I've grown horns..hell maybe I have, his voice full of anger tingedsorrow at my careless words, "ARE YOU NOT LISTENING TO ME? NO! NO FAITH I DIDN'T FIGHT HIM!" Breathing rapidly I can see him struggle to calm down, control his temper, his next words tear at me like knives, "_because I don't love you that way_. AND NO, he's NOT going to be arrested for anything. And if you try it, I'll deny it. I'll claim it'was' a bar fight, or I got mugged! I already told Swersky that I got so drunk this Saturday that I don't remember what happened! That I woke up like this in my car!" He's fighting for control as he slams his things around, "Fred and I talked Faith, I'm trying to tell you that! He knows I didn't cause this Faith, I mean he knows I made mistakes, I asked you for more than you should have been willing to give, laid more of my problems on you than I should have. But I thought that's what true friends do! I helped you with yours, you helped me with mine! But I NEVER wanted you to leave your husband! NEVER! So don't blame him for this shitand for what you've done? This time? This time, this is ALL YOU so don't blame me either!"

Slamming his locker closed, he picked up his duffel and walked out the back entrance to the locker room. Leaving me alone, in shock at what he had said and done.

"Oh Bosco," I finally said outloud before I left the room, "this is not over. Not by a long shot!"

TBC...


	7. Giving In and Giving Up Chapter 7

hahaI have to comment on thirdwatch55's reply, I've gotten that reaction a few times with this story, heck one even told me it made them take a NEW look at Fred, and at the marriage and made the decide NOT to be a shipper! lol

I love the reviews, thanks so much for taking the time guys, I really appreciate it. Now, on with the show...two more chappies for you.

M.

**Giving In and Giving Up**

**Chapter Seven**

Faiths POV:

"I've been walking around this island forthree weeks now, when I'm not at work or sleeping;wondering what the hell happened to my life. I use to know what I wanted, where I was going, who I was going to get there with. But not anymore, at least not since I got shot." Spreading her hands out over her jeans, Faith glanced over to the picture of sailboats on the wall before continuing, "Fred filed for divorce after my ex-partner and he talked. Not he says because of anything he said, or did though, Fred actually told me he respected him more now than before because he had the guts to try to make it right. He told me he still loved me, but didn't want to be married to someone who loves someone else. I don't blame him, like I said before, if it were him instead of me? I'd have ended up in jail."

A wry smirkslipped quickly over her faceas she sat back against the chair's cushions, her hands rubbing the wooden arms briefly, "Emily and Charlie don't understand what's going on. Well, Em I think understands more than Charlie does, but she hates me for it. I tried to explain that sometimes people have things happen to them that changes them. Makes them want different things in their lives, wakes them up to their reality. She asked me if that 'waking up' I was talking about included her and her brother, or was I going to throw them away like I did Fred. That was when it hit me, how stupid all this was. I'd made a decision based on my own needs and wants, not taking into consideration my children, or hell anyone else. The most selfish thing a person can do in this life, and I've always believed this, is to only go after their own wants and needs." Putting her hands in her lap, folding one over the other, "Its hard though, you know? Sometimes I feel smothered by all 'everyone else's wants' coming at me constantly."

She glanced at the ring on her left hand, pushing it up with her pinkie as she spoke, "But, love isn't about what you want. Its about what others want for you, and you for them. I forgot that. I made myself believe they were just being selfish, that it was all take and no give, when it really was more about my taking lately instead of giving them what they needed, too. I was so hurt and torn up about what I felt was Bosco's betrayal with Cruz and the Anti Crime thing, I turned my love for my friend and partner into what I thought was real romantic life long partners kind of love. Turned away from a man whom I'd loved all my life, I mean, even when I was planning to leave him for his drinking I still loved him. A man who stood by my side when I thought and he thought I'd never walk again, never be able to use the bathroom without his help. A man who gave up everything for me and left his job and life in this city because I needed to get away to recover. A man who has never a day in our marriage stopped loving me, even after what I did to him, stood by me when I had the cancer scare and was more upset about my having it than even I was."

Sighing heavily, Faith now looked at her palms, pushing her right thumb along the lines on her left one, "Turned away from my children. I was so desperate to keep my own little corner at work mine that I forgot that wasn't where my Life was. Fred told me one time that being a cop was what I did for a living. That being his wife, his partner and our children's mother was what my Life actually was. Like his was being my husband, my life partner and our children's father. I remember when he said that. I was so angry, like I was being told I should be barefoot and pregnant! I know now that's not what he meant, hell I know I knew then, but how dare he tell me I wasn't a Cop, that I only earned a paycheck as one."

"But, that's really what work is isn't it? A way to finance our lives at home? Even when we are doing what we love, what helps us thriveas people separate from the mother and wife, father and husband? How sad I use to find it when I would meet people who didn't realize that. Hell I use to feel sorry for my partner for the same thing for crying outloud! He had no one at home, still doesn't, never has really, the paycheck he earned went into the bank, paid the bills he made and let him go out when he wanted. But it didn't really give him a life. He lives in the same small one bedroom apartment he's been in for as long as I've known him, no pets, hell no plants! Half the time he's there he's asleep, the other half he's getting ready to leave it to go in to work or find some girl to spend the evening with so he can forget he's got no one waiting for him." Wiping a tear from her cheek, Faith tried to be as honest as she could here, telling this, her story of why she was so lost now.

"I think I turned my jealousy at him trying to break up our partnership by going on with his career after giving up my chance at Sergeant to stay his partner when he was at one of his lowest points, into a 'come hell and high water' idea of keeping us together so I wouldn't be on my own. I mean I gave up furthering my career for him, so why was he leaving me? I made him stay with me so I would have someone to blame when things went bad. I came back thinking things would go right back to where they were. Faith takes care of it all. My partner chases them, I do the paperwork. He beats them up with words or his fist, and Faith knows the law and codes. I've always treated him a bit like a child, then would throw that in his face when he followed through and acted like one."

The guilty look on her face gave way to a half smile, "But things were different. He'd grown up a lot. I made fun of him for wanting to go by the book, hell for him actually knowing the book! I couldn't believe he was studying like he was, oh sure he studied like crazy when he wanted ESU, or Anticrime, but for his own job, the one he already had, forget it, it just didn't happen, not when I was there to do it for him. He was doing his own paperwork without argument too, and, doing it really well. Gone was the little boy who needed to be watched and controlled, instead, here stood a man," pride now on her face instead of resentment,"a real cop, who was mostly in control. Who had done some damn good police work while I was gone." Her smile fading, she blushed, her fingers twisting over themselves as she admitted her jealousy, "And I was pissed. Pissed that it had happened at all, so I tried my damnedest to break that. When making fun of him didn't work, I just took over, didn't give him a choice, see I know his weak spot. My partner, when push comes to shove gives in when a woman acts stronger than him. His mother made him that way. And I took advantage of it, so when I saw he was again moving away from me, I became obsessed with 'keeping him.' Only instead of it working, I've lost both the men I love most in my life, next to my son of course."

Trying not to cry anymore, Faith sat up straighter, gripping the arms of the chair tightly, "My ex-partner didn't come back from vacation. Our Lieu refused to give him another shift or transfer him out without an explanation, and he refused to give one. So one day a letter arrived that said he quit. I tried to contact him, Lieu tried to contact him. I triedshowing up at all hours at his apartment, trying to catch him home, but he was gone. I don't know where, his mother won't say, his younger brother is dead and his Dad isn't someone he'd go to at all, so, he is as we say on the job, 'in the wind'. I told him or rather told myself the last time I saw him that it wasn't over by a long shot, but he took care of that by disappearing like he did. Can't say I blame him, now, if he'd have pulled what I did, I'd have gotten as far away from him as I could have too. He did me a huge favor despite losing all he had, gave me time to think and get my head straight again."

Glancing at the Doctor in front of her, she only saw someone who was listening, not judging and feeling more safe now, she relaxed some, her shoulders shifting as Faith felt the tension beginning to leave, "Fred only talks to me when I go to see the kids, and then its only to say that he's going to be back when I call to tell him I'm ready to leave. I look at him now and I am so sorry I hurt himlike I did. But I'm not ready to tell him I made a huge mistake, you know, and I know he's not ready to hear it. It's too soon. He'd only think it was because my partner left and now that I can't have him... And well, I need to be sure my head is back on straight. When I go home, if he lets me, I want to be there permanently. Not just because its the 'safe place'."

She sighs and sits up more, "So as I said, I'm walking around this Island forthree weeks now, and still don't know how to fix this mess I created. Fred and the kids are back home. I moved out here with my Mom and Dad. We won't go into what they think about this. You already can figure that one out I'm sure. Anyway, that's the most I've done on thinking this out Doc since the last time we talked. What do you think?" Waiting for her 'judgment' Faith picked up the glass of water at her side and drank deeply as Dr. Watkins studied her.

Sitting just a few minutes watching her, Dr. Watkins nods finally, "I think Faith that you've come along way in a short time. And I think that no matter what happens between you and your husband or even your ex partner that you are going to be okay. That your children will be okay. But I am glad that you see things the way you do about going home to soon. Better for a longer separation, than a messy marriage because you didn't work out your feelings, and neither did he before hand. I've contacted Mr. Yokas about coming in and talking to me, and told him it was at your request. He knows that unless he gives permission that whatever he has to say on the matter will remain confidential. He told me he wanted to do just that, come in. He's of course hesitant on sharing with you through me his feelings at this point, but he is at least willing to try. So for now, I'd say keep doing what you are doing. Go to work, and try to have a life with your children as much as possible when you have down time, and we'll see. But you have made a very good start. And Faith?"

Faith turning her head slightly smiled, "Doc?" Hope in her heart and mind at Dr. Watkins words.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, you've been through a hell of a lot this past year. You've come along way in spite of it all, most people wouldn't be as strong as you have been, and most when having made such a life altering move wouldn't have the courage to try to fix their mistakes. You should be proud of yourself." Shelooked over to the clock on the wall briefly,"Times up, I'll see you next week, oh and Faith, its Friday night, try to have some fun." Dr. Watkins rose from her chair, Faith immediately standing walked to the door as Dr. Watkins saw her out, "Jan,"she calledto her secretary, "Please make Mrs. Yokas an appointment for next Tuesday. Also,make sure please that its not near the time Mr. Yokas comes in?"

Patting Faith lightly on the back, "Don't want to put pressure on either of you with a face to face his first visit. I'll see you then Faith," she walked back into her office headingto the door that patients entered the office in privacy fromto ask her next patient to come in.

"Mr. Boscorelli? You may come in now," Dr. Watkins smiled at him watching him hesitantly approach her office, she mentally shook her head, 'Why does he always look like he's getting a shot?'

Walking to her desk after watching him take a seat, still silent in his demeanor, she couldn't resist, "Okay Maurice, what's so urgent that you had to see me 'this second'" Smiling now as she noticed his nervous habit was back,"Stop biting your cheek, it bugs me."

Her last comment bringing a smirk to his face as he looked up from his lap, "I quit my job a couple of weeks ago."

Blinking at him surprised, "For heavens sake Moe, why?"

"Well," he started to tell her, and by the time he was halfway done her mouth was hanging open in shock, finally raising her hand she stopped him.

"Maurice, please stop, I can't hear this," Dr. Watkins rose as he looked at her confused, even hurt that she seemed to be cutting him off in rejection as she walked to the window overlooking the bay. Turning to him, "I have to tell you something. It seems that I may have a conflict of interest here that you should know about before you continue."

Frowning at her wondering what she could be talking about, he sat quietly. He was one of the few patients she had whom after a few sessions she'd still needto drag his words from him unless he came in really upset. Today seemed to be one of his bad days, a day he wanted to talk and now she was going to make it worse, "Faith Yokas, the woman you're speaking of, your 'ex-partner', and now her husband Fred have become my patients. I won't go into why. But I need to tell you that, since you're telling me things that concern them as well as you. I won't tell you what they said, even if it concerns you, or them things you say, but I must inform you all that you are patients here, my patients. So you can decide if you want to keep seeing me or have me set you up with one of my partners."

He sat in shock now, embarrassed that he'd told her anything about Faith and himself. Suddenly she had a face on the 'partner' and perhaps even one on the 'husband'.He'd been seeing her for a long time now, but had always been careful until today that is, at her request not to give any names. To suddenly realize that Dr. Watkins might be hearing things about him from someone else, it made him want to jump and run.

But his trust had been built up over a long period of time with this woman, and he didn't want to have to start over again. He only came to her initally when he was forced to by the Bosses, but, after she'd actually helped him with his PTSD and some of his family issues had continued to come occasionally when things got to much for him. Now he was torn as to what to do.

"Doc," he finally spoke after several minutes of silence between them, "was I your first patient? Or was one of them?"

"You were," she smiled gently at him, "and if you want to stay, I think its a good idea. I can ask them about seeing my partners, actually I'm obligated to anyway."

"I want to stay," his voice softer than before, she saw on his face the 'fear' of rejection that often overcame him. Maurice used false bravado and 'in your face' tactics to deal with it in his work and personal life, but in here, his guard was let down.

"Good," she smiled brighter at him reassuring him, to see him light up a little in return, "then continue please." Walking back to her desk, sitting again in the leather chair, relaxing back into it, "Maurice stop biting your cheek, you know how that bugs me..." winking at him, bringing a smile to his face as she watched him relax again, sitting back slightly as he continued with his story of the last few weeks.

TBC...


	8. Giving In and Giving Up Chapter 8

LOL the last chapter was about where I lost 70 percent of the readers on the other site, hehehe on thischapter I lost another 20 percent...oh well, we'll see how you guys take it. ;) Two more after this...then its done, and your torture is over...lmao for now anyway! hehehe

M.

**Giving In and Giving Up**

**Chapter Eight**

"Wow, you look great," Fred gazing over at Faith smiled, "that's a really nice outfit you're _almost wearing_ Faith."

She smiled back, "You like this huh Fred?" Looking down at the two piece black silk pantsuit she was wearing she smoothed the front of the blouse with her hand, glancing back up at him she winked, "I wore it just for you."

"Well, then I must say thank you," he smirked, "cause its making me think crazy thoughts."

"Yeah?" She leaned over in the truck cab to him, "Good, cause that suit you're wearing is making me have the same thoughts."

Laughing Fred patted the seat next to him, "You know there is a seatbelt here to Faith."

Watching her as she slid next to him, he commented happily, "Damn you really smell wonderful."

"Ummm, so do you, you wore my favorite cologne tonight," she sighed happily as he put the truck into gear and moved away from the curb.

"Just for you honey," Fred was real happy with how the lastfour months of marriage counseling had gone. The private sessions also going rather well for them both. The Doc still didn't think they should be living together yet, but it was her idea for them to start dating. At first they felt kind of silly doing this. After all as Faith told the Doc,they'd been married forSeventeen years, but she'd been told back that she'd also been separated for several months and things had been like that because of lack of communication and ignoring each others needs. So dating it was.

This was theirfourth date and both were feeling at ease with one another and very romantic. Though the Doc had told them to go slow for now. They needed to relearn how to communicate before sex. What she'd actually told them was, "Fred, Faith? The first time around it was sex first. This time I think you need to say hello and have a conversation first, before jumping each others bones!"

After the embarrassed laugher had stopped in the office, they'd both agreed. Now things were progressing nicely. The conversational exercises in the office had really made a difference in how they looked at each other.

"So, where are you taking me?" Fred asked teasingly, "Since I'm driving and all, I think I should know where we're going, don't you?" 'Man she smells fantastic! Did she do something different with her hair? Yeah she did, its lighter. Wow, I forgot how beautiful she is, those green eyes did me in the first time and its happening again.'

"Well, I thought it'd be nice if we went to our favorite Italian restaurant! So I made reservations." Glancing worriedly at him, "I hope that's okay with you?" 'Damn I love to look at him, I think I've loved him since the day I saw him playing football! That silk shirt is great! I love red. And I don't know how much longer I can take not being with him. Who would have thought it was possible to fall in love with your husband all over again? But I did..."

"You did?" He was stopping at a red-light, turning to her, "That's perfect Faith! I was thinking about us going there soon. I wonder if they still have dancing on that little wooden floor in the corner, and if the lights still don't work on the back side?" Grinning at her wickedly he was rewarded with her laugher, and again as she leaned against him putting her head on his shoulder.

Fred Yokas was a happy man when they drove up to the restaurant several minutes later. Stepping out of the cab of the truck he held the door for her as she descended to the sidewalk. Taking her hand in his he held it to his chest. "Faith, I was going to wait until next time, but I can't wait. Hell I can't wait until we get inside!" His face was filled with love, but there was doubt in his eyes too.

Faith gripped his hand tightly, bringing her other hand up to cover his, "Fred, wait. Before you say anything, I want to say how sorry I am for everything I did. I think about that now and I don't even recognize myself. I love you so much it hurts. And I've never felt that about anyone else, ever. I know I said different, but I was just confused, and lost after I was shot. But I'm back now, and if you will let me, I'll spend the rest of my life proving it to you. I love you Fred, so much." When she finished she smiled as he reached up and wiped a tear from her cheek.

Nodding, his throat tight, he answered her, "It wasn't just you Faith. We both got lost, a long time ago." His gaze drifting down a moment, he added, "I should have done a lot of things differently too. Starting with going to the counselor with you instead of letting you do it all alone after we left the city. I've missed you so much. I want you to come home.Be with me andthe kids all the time instead of just on weekends or 'dates'. I know we're not done with the Doc, but I love you and I don't know how much more I can take being apart like this. I want you to know, I'm willing to wait as long as it takes, but Faith, I hope it doesn't take a whole lot longer!" He was staring into her eyes as he finished with, "Have I told you how beautiful your eyes are? They were the second thing I noticed about you in High School!"

A mischievous grin came over his face as she asked, "Wow, thank you Fred, that always makes me feel beautiful...but, what was the first thing?

"Your pom poms!" He was laughing as she smacked his arm before slipping hers between his and his side.

"You're lucky you ever got to see those pom poms Fred Yokas!" She laughed as they went into the restaurant.

"I sure was Faith, and I'm hoping to get to be that lucky again real soon!" He grinned proudly as the Maiter'D greeted them.

As they made their way to the table she smirked and commented, "You keep up the sweet talk Fred and you might be lucky sooner than you think!" Breaking away from him she took her seat, pretending to ignore him now.

Standing beside her a moment grinning like a fool he wickedlytold the Maitre'D, "She's says I might get ..."

"FRED!" Faith quickly interrupting him was cracking up as he laughed and took his seat, reaching across the tablehe took her hand into his smiling at her.

Staring into his eyes, a smile on her face, Faith 'innocently' asked, "You think that dance floor still has those lights out?"

"Faith Yokas! I'm shocked!" He pretended outrage, then devilishly replied, "But if they're not, I might have to make them so!"

XXXX

Bosco rolled over in his 'new' bed, three days beard growth itching like crazy, he was scratching and rubbing his chin and cheek as he yawned. Seeing the daylight coming in the windows across the rooms he wondered what time it was, and why hefelt like he was awake so early.

Then the knocking came again. Not pounding, but a light knocking. "Crap!" He muttered as he slung himself out of bed, padding across the wooden floors to the front door. "Who is it?" His peephole was broken so he was left to wait for an answer.

"It's Faith," came the quiet reply, "I just want to talk to you Bosco. I promise, that's all. Please let me in?"

Groaning he turned and leaned against the door frame, "How the hell," no one but his Mom and Ty knew where he was, and he knew Rose wouldn't have told...he was going to kill Davis, "Go away Faith. I already told you, I don't want to see you again." Rubbing at his eyes, yawning again he caught sight of the clock on the TV stand, squinting at it he groaned again, "Man, its only nine am? What is with you people? Don't you ever freaking sleep?" His job on the overnight shift didn't end until six and he was exhausted from still not being use to the shift change after so many years of the Third shift when he'd been a Cop.

"Bos? Come on, I promise not to act like an idiot this time. Open the door please?" He could tell by her voice something was different, but was still leery of opening the door.

"Say what you came to say from out there, I have no intention of getting my face punched in again thank you!" He was thinking, 'Or have you all over me.' But had the decency to leave that out.

Faith sighed, looking up and down the hallway trying to decide what to do. But since it was pretty obvious that Bosco meant what he said about not opening the door, she decided to bite the bullet and just say what she'd hoped to say to his face.

"Bos, I came to tell you how sorry I am for acting like such fool the last time I saw you. And the time before that." She hesitated, waiting for him to reply, or let her know he was still at the door listening. But nothing came from the other side of the flaking painted door.

Taking a deep breath of courage, she went on, "I never meant to hurt you. I was in a really bad place, and somehow I got our friendship mixed up with something else. I hurt a lot of people and I'm doing my best to make up for that. Fred and I are in counseling as you probablyknow from Davis."She bit her lip then quickly added, "Don't be mad at him, Iconvinced him it was safe for me to come talk to you. Anyway, we're in counseling, andthe kids are coming now too, and things are getting a lot better for us all. We've gotten closer as a family. But more importantly, Fred and I found each other again. I realized how much I do love him, how much I need him, and he loves and needs me. We still have things that we need to work on, and there are of course things we'll never agree on. But we're trying, and we're making it.I movedback home last month, and its been really great. Not perfect, but what is right?"

She placed her hand on the door, was looking at the floor, "Bos, I'm so sorry. For what I did to you, and for what you must have gone through to make you leave the Job. You needed a friend and I wasn't one, and I should have been. You've been there so many times with advice and comfort when I was having problems, and I let you down. I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I feel about what happened between us. If I could take it back I would a thousand times just so I'd never have to see that look of horror and disappointment in your face. My actions caused you to quit a job you love and I can never make up for that. I'm not asking for your forgiveness, but I hope you can at least try to understand that I wish I'd never done what I did to you." Taking her hand down she turned to leave, "I'm leaving now Bos, I won't be back. I just had to tell you this. Good-bye Bosco."

Walking down the hall slowly, Faith was hoping the door would open and she'd be able to face him again. Tell him face to face how sorry she was, and what he meant to her. But the door didn't open, and she left.

Boscoended upsitting on the floor as she spoke, his back to the faded yellow of the door, his elbows bracedon his knees, listening to her with his head down on his forearms. When he knew she was gone, he sat upback against the door, wiping his face with the backs of his hands, crying.He sat a long time after she left thinking about the things she'd said, until finally he rose from his sitting position, and went back to bed, exhausted, but it took him along time to get back to sleep.

TBC...


	9. Giving In and Giving Up Chapter 9

Okay, here's 9, thanks for reading, and while I don't know why folks are skipping over every other chappi, oh wait, some of it was Fred and Faith romance,ok. lol Hope you enjoyed anyway. The end of your torture is near, ;)

**M.**

**Giving In and Giving Up**

**Chapter Nine**

"So how are you doing now?" Ty asked Bosco as he watched him get settled into the car, he looked a little thinner to Ty but Ty decided since he'd forgiven him for ratting him out to Faith he'd keep quiet on the other stuff. He was adjusting his seat and continued without pause finishing before finally looking at him a short grin flashing.

"Pretty good," Bosco reached over as usual and began fiddling with the radio controls, "been sleeping better since I got a job." Pausing on a rock station ignoring Ty's grimace, "Been eating better too, course that's cause I got money coming in again, finally." He laughed as Ty pulled the jeep into traffic. "How've you been?"

"Good, real good. Sully called last week, said his classes suck. He's having a hard time with the Freshman math stuff. Lots has changed since ole Sul was in college." Ty cracked a grin as he saw Bosco's eyes widen.

"No shit! He really did it? Went back to college?" Impressed Bosco turned to look out the window as Ty nodded his answer, "Damn that takes a lot of guts after all this time. Tell him I said not to let us down by flunking out when you see him. Can't not give him a hard time right?"

Laughing quietly, Ty replied, "I'll be sure to pass that on. So where we eating, or do you just want to skip and go straight to getting loaded. Get something off the bar to eat?" Glancing over he was surprised to see him frowning, "What?"

"Sully really did it. But why didn't you? You passed the exams too right?" Bosco was staring at him hard, "I don't get it, I thought you were going to be a lawyer."

"Yea, so did I at the time I took them. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I wanted to be a cop, make that 'stay a cop'. I don't plan on staying street forever though, I've got plans. Maybe one day I'll be running the 55 you never know." Grinning at him as he stopped at a red-light, "So you gonna answer my question or do I pick for us tonight?"

He saw Bosco was still watching him, a serious look on his face, "Plans, huh? Don't do it Ty. Leave while you still can. You're a hell of a lot smarter than I am, and you got a degree under your belt, get out. The only thing I ever wanted was to be a cop, cause it was the only thing I didn't have to be smart at the books for. I know you're not me and all that, but this job will eat you alive. I was just like you at first, hell for years. Loved it, everything about it, except the paperwork." He paused taking a breath, "Look, I'm not trying to be 'parental' or anything, but seriously man, do you really want to be dealing with the scum we dealt with for the rest of your life? You're better than that and you know it."

Stunned Ty startled as the car behind him blew its horn to make him move through the intersection. Turning the corner continuing on their way he waited a minute before answering, "Bosco, I love being a cop. I don't see it the same way you do, or Sully for that matter. But like I said, I have no intention of staying on the streets for much longer anyway. I want to move up, and as soon as I can." Glancing over at him, "And you should have done that along time ago. Since you started studying for real, well until this last stuff happened, you really showed Swersky and the other Bosses you're not as dimwitted as you let them believe."Tydarted a quick look at him,"And you know it. Undereducated isn't the same as stupid or not smart. Maybe you should go back and take some courses in police management yourself."

"Right," Bosco scoffed, "I can see it now, me a Boss. With my temper and mouth I would end up shot by my own officers." He was laughing softly.

"Yea well there is that," Ty teased, "but I'm serious, you do know that Swersky only put you in for an extended leave of absence and not that you quit, right?" He'd been told this by Sully and had been waiting to feel Bosco out before mentioning it.

"He did?" The surprise on his face made Ty smile, "Why the hell did he do that?" Puzzled because he'd made it pretty clear he was done when he'd left and his letter was even more plain.

"He did," Ty pulled up to a restaurant, "said he knew you would be back sooner or later." Glancing over at him, "So we eating or drinking first?"

"Eating, I haven't been out to eat in months, I'm looking forward to something that doesn't look like a bean from a can." Bosco opened his door getting out as Ty shook his head doing the same.

"Has it been as bad as that? Man if you needed a loan all you had to do was ask." He followed Bosco into the Chinese restaurant, it was a favorite place of both men.

"Almost that bad, butmostly I just didn't feel like doing much more than opening a can and doing the microwave thing you know?" Bosco waited for hostess to notice them, looking around at the available tables, "Plus, without a steady job, eating out was not an option lately."

"I hear that," Ty stood next to him, "that was how it was in College. Beanie weenie's and hot-dogs every night. Man that smell...I can't stand it anymore!" He was laughing at the memory as Bosco turned to look at him.

"Tell me about it," Bosco groaned, "this was almost as bad as the first time I decided I could live on my own without my Mom's help. Man I almost starved to death before I got smart and started showing up back home for dinner time." Ty cracked up as he added, "Until she got wise to me and told me to stop acting like an idiot and come home, then I joined the Army a few months later and never went back."

"My mom told me the same thing. I thought I was a MAN cause I lived at the dorm and not in my own room at her place. I went home the second semester for the same reason, I was about to starve to death, spent all my money on partying and chicks, lost twenty pounds!" He saw the hostess approaching and stepped forward. "Hi, we'd like a table for two, non smoking please."

"Not next to the kitchen!" Bosco tossed out, "That damn door almost knocked me out last time I ate here." As they walked to the table she indicated, he added, telling Ty, "I bent over to pick up my chopsticks off the floor and the waiter came out with a big tray. Hit me in the head with the door, hell I had a knot on my forehead like a damn egg! Faith kept telling everyone she'd gotten enough and busted me with her flashlight." He was sitting down as he said this, and suddenly became silent as he finished.

Ty noticed his reaction to the story and as he sat asked, "You see her at all since you left? I mean other than when she went to your place..." He wasn't completely sure of what had happened. Faith had been pretty quiet about it, but the rumor mill had left little to the imagination. Enough had heard the last fight at the station house for him to know it had been bad, and Faith's fault, Bosco hadn't filled him in other than to gripe that she'd lost her mind and he hoped she found it soon.

"No," was Bosco's quiet reply, his look letting Ty know he hand't forgotten who'd ratted on him, "she came by a few times at first, I guess she was hoping I'd give in and just forget about what happened, but I didn't answer the door. I got nothing to say about it to her. She said what she had to say to me, and its done. I'd really rather not think about it if you don't mind."

"Sure no problem, so what are you getting?" Ty busied himself with the menu, Bosco grateful for the change of direction raised his eyebrow at him.

"Do I ever get anything different here?" Smirking as the waitress came up asking what they wanted to drink he ordered for them both, "He'll have tea and I want coffee." She left and he asked Ty, "So if you really want to be a Boss how long are you gonna wait until you take the Sergeants test?"

Looking over the menu, Ty smiled, "I figure I got another 2 years, then I have enough seniority to actually have a chance to get placed if I pass. And not just put on 'filing at the front desk' duty."

"Cool," Bosco began putting sugar and creamer in the cup the waitress placed in front of him, "sounds like you really have a plan. I think you'd make a good Sergeant. But I don't know if Swersky is planning on retiring soon, so I wouldn't look at his job to hard. Lieu has too much fun busting chops for that."

"Tell me about it," Ty sipped his tea as he waited for the waitress to come back for their order, "yesterday he chewed ass on Cruz for not filling him in on a raid she did. And then did the same on Faith for giving her new partner all the paperwork. He screwed it up big time. Swersky said it made your paperwork look like art." As he finished he realized what he'd done and looked up quickly to gauge Bosco's reaction. He was surprised to see him grinning as he sipped his coffee.

"Sounds just like him, and my paperwork wasn't that bad."

Now he was laughing as Ty rolled his eyes answering, "Okay, and Sully doesn't have a size 80 ass either does he Bos?"

Bosco looked over at the door as it opened, a frown coming over his face to wipe the laugher away. Glancing back at Ty, he angrily asked, "What the hell...is this some kind of set up?"

TBC...


	10. Giving In and Giving Up Chapter 10 The E...

Thanks for reading. Its been fun, but all good things must come to an end. Yea, I bet you never thought you'd hear that again from me huh? lol :) To all those who reviewed, Boscogirl, S, twjunkie(even though I made you think you were cracking up at one time..hehehe), ila, quacksd, rutgers, Alicia, Cuddy Cabin, Anti-Social Turtle, Katier 67, thirdwatch55 (lol no shipping in M's reviews! haha), Jayne-190, Arodloverus2001 I really appreciate your time and words. And while, I do try to never sugarcoat my characters, though the idea of a sugar coated Bosco...um, yea, well, cough lol ;) I appreciate the fact that you guys like my style of writing enough to keep reading until the bitter or sweet ending, whereever that evil muse of mine takes it.

To all you guys, a heartfelt** _Thank you,_**

**M.**

**Giving In and Giving Up**

**ChapterTen; Conclusion**

"Bos, wait!" Ty stood up as Bosco shoved his chair back hard, moving to leave. His face a mask of anger. "Come on man don't be like this! Just wait a minute okay?" He moved quickly to head him off as Bosco tried to shove pastthen haltedwhen he saw Ty wasn't moving.

"Ty get the hell out of my way." His low voiced anger making his feelings clear.

Ty refused to back down, "No. Bosco please, just sit and hear us out okay? Please?" His voice pleading with him, forcing Bosco to look up at him.

"Why? Why should I? I already told you I've got nothing to say." Bosco glared up at him, his hand against Ty's chest as he backed up slightly.

Nodding, but with a sweep of his hand indicating the chair again, "I know, I know, but just for a minute, then if you still want to leave, fine. I'll even drive you home myself, or we can go get drunk together, whatever, just sit."

Inhaling sharply through his nose, and exhaling just as sharply, "FINE!" Bosco for lack of a more appropriate word he could use in the restaurant, flounced back into his chair.

Ty raising his eyebrows retorted before he could think, "Damn I haven't seen that move since my Mom told my sister Lisa she couldn't go to the Prom because of bad grades!"

Glaring at him asBosco growled back, "Funny ain't you, want to see another move? Watch this!" Bosco folded his arms against any further interaction and stared off into the opposite side of the Restaurant as the others approached the table. Each looking to Ty for assurance it was safe if not welcome to do so. Nodding to them to come on at the same time pinching the bridge of his nose, Ty knew this was going to be bad, if not fatal for him.

Sitting first, "Hi Bosco, how have you been?" Sasha hesitantly but brightly asked. Searching his face as he ignored her she sighed looking over at Ty. He winked at her but remained silent.

Second to sit, Sully smirked, "So little man you finally out of hiding or what?" Again receiving no reply Sully nevertheless continued, "Hey you hear I'm back in school?"

Finally getting a reaction out of him, as Bosco smirked but without looking at him replied, "Gee I thought you had to be potty trained before you got to go to school Sullivan."

Sully laughed, "Good one, glad to see your mouth is still intact! If not your brain. Oh wait, that never was attached." Bosco gave a slight shake of his head, but still refused to look his way. But Sully didn't miss the amusement in his roll of the eyes as he did so. Glancing over at Ty he grinned, "Wow this is going better than I thought it would!"

Ty grinned as Dave Swersky joined them sitting next to Sasha, "So I hear you managed to get a job! That's great news. So," he looked hard at him, sarcastically adding, "how does Security Guard suit you, Bosco, get to sleep a lot do you?" He knew it was a low blow but they didn't really have a lot of options at this point, he'd refused all previous attempts at communication. He almost regretted his first choice of words as he saw Bosco freeze and his face redden.

He got the first actual look, one of hurt anger as Bosco replied tartly, "About as good as its going to suit you DAVE when you retire!" Then as the others gasped he again was looking away, blinking rapidly as he tried to control his emotions.

They all knew this was going to be major drama, getting Bosco to open up was like putting a lit stick of dynamite in your mouth. You know its going to go off on you if you're not careful. Just how many seconds before it does is the only mystery.

Nodding in acceptance of his mistake, Dave looked to the next person to sit. Fred was kind of regretting having agreed to such a public place after having heard that exchange, but he sat, "Bosco," his short greeting met with, "Fred." From Bosco.

Then Faith sat down as Ty took his seat next to Bosco, she softly asked, "Bos, how have you been? It's good to actually see you finally." His face reddening more, Bosco refused to even acknowledge her. It suddenly occurred to him that the others must know of what had gone on between them. Public humiliation not his favorite thing to experience he was about to bolt when Ty started talking.

"Look, we all care about you. And while only you really know why you left, or if anyone else does they haven't shared, we think you're making a mistake not coming back to the Force." He took a sip of his tea as the waitress approached to take the others drink orders. When she'd left he continued, "Bos, everybody makes mistakes. But you need to decide if whatever it was is worth eating beans out of a can, or sitting at a gate taking car passes or issuing them all night. You were a good cop, and you were becoming a great cop and you know it. I still think you should take some classes and move up and off the street. You know," he charged full ahead,"stubborn never fixes anything and it only hurts you, not the person you're upset with."

Sully could see Bosco lower his eyes as Ty spoke, then, when he stopped look back up again, 'well, well, look at him actually listening. hum..' He piped up, "Ty's right Bosco. As big a jackass as I think you can be, this can't be worth it. You know you always made fun of cops who ended up Security Guards on gates. Is that what you want to do the rest of your life? I personally don't care if you stay on the streets or get in the office running crews. I just think its a waste that's all." He saw Bosco cut his eyes at him, and thought he would get a sharp mouthed reply, but Bosco held his tongue for once as he again looked away. "Well whatever you decide, for gods sake find another job! I really don't want to be driving my Jag to a clients office and see you at the window when I pull up after I become a lawyer!" He was finally rewarded with a direct look, one of 'thinking shock' as it was obvious to him that thought had never crossed his mind.

But as soon as it crossed his face it was replaced with a nasty smirk, "Bite me! You have to pass Freshman math first Sullivan!"

Before Sully could retort, Ty spoke up, "OKAY, this is going well! Next?" Giving Sully a hard look before turning to look at Sasha. Raising his eyebrows at her, she nodded her understanding that it was now her turn to jump into the fire.

"Bosco," her soft voice bringing the first not combative look from him, "I know you don't really care what I think. But I do think you have the potential to be a great cop. You really did a great job when we worked together. Once you decided to actually work that is," she grinned at him as she added the last comment. His half smile almost friendly as he sat quietly watching her. "I really wish you'd come back." She bit down on that stick of dynamite now, "I know what happened, and I know everyone wishes it never did." Quickly finishing as she saw him stiffening, "Can't you let it go? Forgive and forget? Do you really like your new job?" Her voice even softer as she 'worked' him. Smiling at him with a 'you don't really want to do this' look on her face. She relaxed when she saw him start to chew his cheek. She knew that was a sign he was controlling himself and would not 'attack' whomever was talking to him. It also meant he was thinking, always a dangerous thing, but in this instance a welcome sign. Finally he gave a short eyebrow shrug but kept his counsel.

Then Fred spoke up,direct as usual, "Look, enough beating around the damn bush! Bosco, we all made mistakes here. Me included. I'm really sorry you decided to quit because of my families stupidity. But come on, how many times did you do something stupid and we forgave and forgot, you!"

Faith's shouted, "FRED!" Bringing a "WHAT? You know what I mean, and its true and you know it!" From Fred as the others started laughing, trying not to act like they were.

Bosco was staring at Fred his mouth slightly open as his the tip of his tongue played with the corner of his mouth. His shocked look slowly becoming a small grin as he watched them 'argue' andhe caught the look sharedbetween them. One of new and old love, of exasperation and acceptance. That's when he looked over at Faith, fully for the first time since the locker room scene, and saw she only had eyes for Fred as she continued in on him, "Well Fred you don't have to be so blunt about it!"

A soft smile on her face for her husband as he in his usual Fred way frowned at her in confusion, "I thought that this was what this was about Faith! Making him see 'the error of his decision'! What? I was just pointing out..."

Faith interjected with , "Yes Fred as usual you are right! But..."

Bosco interrupted them, "OKAY, geesh! Forgive and Forget!" Looking hard at Faith he added, with an exhaggerated shudder as he finished, "Just if I come back, No more Waffle comments!"

Everyone sat shocked at his words except Fred, who commented brightly, "See I told you it would work!" A satisfied smirk on his face, "So where's that waitress, I'm starving." Glancing over at Bosco he groused, "She's had me on that 'heart smart' diet again! I'm wasting away!"

Bosco laughed for the first time in a long time freely, "Yea Fred, I can see that!" The others all talking at once as they realized what he'd actually said about coming back, for the first time inmonths Bosco and Faith exchanged looks, and for the first time in a long time smiled at each other without fear of anything but friendship between them.

And for the first time in a long time Bosco knew it would be okay, finally.

**THE END**


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